I’m not sure I’m ready to put this into words but I know if I don’t try I’ll continue regretting not putting into words what needs to be said. So, at least at the end of this, no matter how it ends, I can at least say I tried.

In those past 10 year's with you, I’ve learnt a lot. About myself, about relationships, being an adult, about love. I’ve learnt that I’m the type of person who loves with her entire being. When I love or care about someone, I let my entire world revolve around them. That’s what I did with you. You came into my life at a time when I wasn’t ready for anyone, let alone you. You came into my life and you weren’t a person–you were this entity that I became enraptured with. Your infectious personality, your incredible way with words, your delectable charm–it all seemed too good to be true. I think what it comes down to is I became involved with you before I was ever ready. I didn’t take the time to figure out what I wanted and what I needed from someone–from you, from our relationship. When we started all of this, you made it very clear you didn’t want a relationship. I thought it was because you were scared or you’d been hurt. I know now it’s because you’re not capable of having a relationship—at least not the kind I want.

I’m going to be honest with you because that’s what people who care about each other do. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time and it’s gone on long enough because honestly, it hurts too much. It’s not fair. I’m holding on because I hope things will change, which is perfectly reasonable, but I can’t change a person. I can’t change you, and I can’t change your situation. I can only change myself and the situations I choose to be a part of. You choose to let this nonsense continue and I’ve tried to understand and ignore it, but I can’t anymore. If you wanted to move on, you could. 

I thought you valued me something, I realize that it was all a farce of yours to deceive me for so long with something so important. You would have been honest from the beginning and everything would have been different. I am not angry at you, and I wasn’t. More than being angry, I was hurt; hurt because I thought I was the one who failed to make an effort every single time. I was in the constant process of chiseling myself to please you, to an extent that I have nothing left other than a broken piece of my heart.

I just want you to realize what I’m worth. I invite you into my life, my head, my heart, my family, my bed. That is all very special, and not everyone I meet is entitled to those things. I’ve given you everything and in return, you’re not even really mine. 

Whether you leave me or I leave you, I am going to miss you—this will be something I never quite get over. I’m going to feel heartbroken—like a failure, someone who just couldn’t make it work despite his best efforts. But if it doesn’t end, I continue looking stupid and foolish because I let this happen. But, life sucks sometimes. The most I can do is embrace the heartache and hold onto my pride which I have slowly been losing with each day I ignore the other major relationship in your life. I hate being alone, but I am 100% content knowing that I will not give myself to anyone undeserving. 

I love you. I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I do for you. I would do almost anything for you—anything you ask of me. The memories I get to keep as a result of being with you are some of the best I have. 

I’ve fought for you in the only possible way I know how—by being there for you and loving you. But I realize I’m fighting a losing battle. You’re everything to me—and I’m not much to you, and the sickest thing, and even I have to admit this, is that at the end of the day, I will let this happen, I will turn the other way. 

I am thankful I cared, you were my first “Love” You were my everything. I was head over heals. I got up in the middle of the night to comfort you. I hurt and cried with you when life was tough. I snuggled and was vulnerable with you. And because of that, I know what it means to love. I know what it feels like to truly care for someone. And I know what it’s like when that love is not reciprocated. It hurts like hell and makes you want to curl up and die, but I know now that I can’t let anyone else tell me how to feel. I’m a hopeless romantic that loves being in love, but now I don’t kid myself into loving someone who doesn’t love me back.

You knew what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me but somehow that still didn’t stop you.

जिस इंसान के बिना हम एक पल भी नहीं रह सकते

आखिर में वही हमें अकेला रहना सिखा देता है

Jhuti Mohabbat has a collection of Sad Poetry in Hindi, Sad poems about love and pain in Hindi.

सच बतलाना

उनमें ऐसी क्या खास थी ?

तोड़ी जो तुमने मेरी आश थी !!

तेरी भोली सूरत पर जो हम लुभाए थे

मेरे बुरे हालातों से तुम घबराए थे

फटेहाल मेरे कपड़े तुम्हें न भाए थे

मुझे अपना कहने में तुम सकुचाए थे

मेरे सादगी की कीमत तुम न जान पाए थे

तड़क-भड़क पे उनके तुम भरमाए थे

उनकी झूठी वादों नें सपनें दिखाए थे

इश्क न था तुमसे उन्हें पर जताए थे

दिलो जान भी तुमने उनपर लुटाए थे

साथ जीने मरने के भी कसमें खाए थे

अपनी करतूतों पे अब तुम पछताए हो

अब जो दिल टूटा है मेरे पास आए हो

टूटे दिल के अरमानों को साथ लाए हो

पुरा अरमानों को करने का साहस कौन करे

खुद के दिल में खाई है अब तेरे गढ्ढे कौन भरे

सच बतलाना

उनमें ऐसी क्या खास थी ?

तोड़ी जो तुमने मेरी आश थी !!

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

तुम्हारी आंखों में काजल और मेरी आंखें लाल होगी…

तुम्हारी नज़रें रंग–बिरंगी रोशिनी से चकाचौंध होगी,

और मेरी नज़रें आंसुओं से तार–तार होगी। 

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

तेरे हाथों में सगुन की मेहंदी

और मेरे हाथों में नशीली शराब होगी,

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

जब खुशियों से तेरी झोली आबाद होगी,

और मेरी नाउम्मीद ज़िंदगी बर्बाद होगी,

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

जब तेरे मांग में लगा सिंदूर

हमारे बीच की दीवार होगी,

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

जब तुम किसी और की जिंदगी,

और मेरी मौत का पैगाम होगी।

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

जब डूबते सूरज को,

फिर से उगने की ना कोई आस होगी।

हाँ वो इक शाम होगी,

जब जलती आग में ना कोई आंच होगी

और

राख में मिलकर मेरी कहानी कहीं गुमनाम होगी।

तुमने समझा ही नहीं…और ना समझना चाहा,

हम चाहते ही क्या थे तुमसे… “तुम्हारे सिवा”.

⊱✿ ❁ ❄ ⊹ ✬ ⊹ ❄ ❁ ✿⊰

एक अज़ीब सा रिश्ता है मेरे और ख्वाहिशों के दरम्यां,

वो मुझे जीने नही देती… और मै उन्हे मरने नही देता..!!

⊱✿ ❁ ❄ ⊹ ✬ ⊹ ❄ ❁ ✿⊰

मैं भी तेरे ईश्क में आतंकवादी बन जाऊं,

तुझे बांहो में ले के बम से उड़ जाऊ !!

⊱✿ ❁ ❄ ⊹ ✬ ⊹ ❄ ❁ ✿⊰